SamReport.com

22 May Sat

I taught my son how to shave today.

What an amazing thing, “fatherhood” is…

Parenting is a thankless job. Long hours and tons of money and work usually taken in stride and for granted. We never complain or mind though, do we?

I know that being a mother is a sacred thing. Giving life and nurturing it into a unique person is a joy and labor I will never know.

I am a father. I am a protector and a teacher. A provider and a disciplinarian. I am the law and the cheering section. I am the example my sons look to when they question how to be a “man”.

I have always been a little intimidated by this. I had little guidance here as a child. A man was a hero and a villain. A father was a concept, not a reality. I hold no anger in my heart and love my father to no end today. He is a wonderful dad to my sisters.

But for me? It has always been a mystery. I remember the day Michelle and I found out she was pregnant. The icy fear that crept my out of my gut and up my spine… I hadn’t a clue what I was doing. More importantly? I hadn’t a clue what was in store for me.

My son Samuel was born a few hours past midnight on the morning of April 27th. He was a little blue thing. Covered in goo with beautiful black eyes. He looked right at me as I cut the cord that gave him life and in that action both realistically and symbolically separated him from his mother to live on his own.

My life changed that day…

I have stumbled along the way. No one but my own family would call me a “good” father. I have made many mistakes. Ive been distant and smothering. Allowed behavior and been heavy handed. Gone from barely providing enough to doing nothing but work in order to make money for my family.

I have always known that my boys wouldn’t be perfect because I am not perfect. All I ever wanted was to protect them from the dark horrors I know are out there. To give them an example to work with. To help them grow into men who would take what little I could give and build on it.

To become better men than I…

Today at lunch we talked about girls and love and family.

Sam wants to have a boy and a girl one day. A nice even family. I told him that sounded great and that the day I become a grandfather will be the best day since he and his brother were born. I asked him to give me a few more years though. He smiled and blushed and said he wanted to wait til he was 25. We both laughed.

We talked about girls and how weird they are. And how even though they are weird they are still pretty awesome. I told him something I should have learned long ago about women and love and he listened.

We got his pills at Walgreen’s after I raised hell (along with a VERY capable social worker)and went for pizza tonight. When we were eating people were staring at him. His scar, his walk, his speech… All of them are not what people think of as “normal”. So I grabbed my pizza in my hands stood up in the booth and loudly sang the “I love you, my pizza!” song. After that the only one being stared at was me.

Tonight when I tucked him into the hospital bed for the last time, he said he loved me and he had a good day.

4 months ago today he was admitted to Wesley E.R. with what could have been a fatal condition. After months of sickness and pain we came to Madonna for rehab. After months of pain and weariness we are now walking out on our own power.

My son is ALIVE!

Today I was a protector…
A teacher…
A provider…
A friend…

I was a father.

There is NO greater thing than that for me…

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